In the midst of my troubles, You are there

I wrote this song today, which I will likely sing tonight at the celebration, but I have no idea what I should title it. Any ideas?

Six weeks of His goodness

God is so, so good.
Six weeks of His goodness in the form of a little baby I have enjoyed.  I have cherished her smiles, comforted her cries, changed her diapers, snuggled her to my breast.  And she is a reminder, as are all my children, that God gives wonderful gifts, and children are truly a reward.

Today is the Jubilee celebration.

If you live in the Houston area, we welcome you to come praise and worship with us this evening, thanking God for His mighty miracle- breathing life into our little Jub'ee!

Five weeks

My sweet Jubilee is *FIVE* weeks old.
Why does time fly so fast?
And how is it that I feel like she was born just yesterday
but, at the same time,
feel like she's been here forever?

I remember that moment, the moment she was placed against my skin.

Tiny and quiet.
Hardly a breath passing through those plump lips.
Everyone in the room willing her to breathe.

Breathe, baby, breathe!

She is my reminder that God answers prayers,
that He alone gives breath.
He gives life, He takes life.
And He's ultimately in control.

Joy unwrapped

Soaring on swings

Wide smiles.

Blue skies.

These are the gifts God pours upon my life.

My heart is giddy,

my joy swells within me.

I cherish these gifts;

I thank the Lord.

I watch them skip and play

as I nurse the smallest of our clan,

and I praise Him.

Oh, this ministry of motherhood

ministers more to my soul than theirs, I know.

The Jubilee Celebration

Our sweet Jubilee a month old now.

Isn't that amazing?

God is not only the Giver of life, He's the Sustainer of life.  He is The Life.  God breathed the first breath of life into Adam, and He continues to breathe life into all of us naturally and spiritually.

We will be sharing the events of Molly Jo Jubilee's birth the last weekend of this month.  In the Scriptures, we see God's people set aside time to praise, worship, and tell the story of His goodness after miraculous events and deliverances.  April 29th, we will gather to tell of His mighty works in the little life of Jubilee and how it impacted each of those present. He is worthy of our worship and praise!

What's in a name?

 
I can't tell you how many times in this first month of her life that I have forgotten her name, and not because she's new but because it doesn't seem to be the name she should be called by.

So today, we decided... we will call her by the name given to her at birth- her middle name;

Jubilee.




 ju·bi·lee [n]

any season or occasion of rejoicing or festivity; rejoicing or jubilation.

Maybe the name that shall be whispered and cooed and sung and called throughout the day should be one that always reminds me to rejoice.

Fragile

Life is so very fragile.  God keeps reminding me of that. Life as we know it here on earth is just a blip, really, when compared to the infinite life that stretches out after this body has served it's purpose, done its time.

So often, I find myself living as though this is all there is, as if there wasn't an eternity to consider.  My words and actions have a ripple effect through that eternity. How often do I consider that? Each word and action birthed can lift up or tear apart.  They even have the power to bring one closer to God or push them further away.

Humans are fragile.  That's why we need a Fierce God, a Mighty Savior. We're like Humpty Dumpty, all broken and gooey, and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put us together again..... because it's a job only the King Himself can do.  We're icky and messy and the job seems impossible, but nothing is impossible in Him.

I am fragile, but He is my strength.


Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Psalm 29:11  The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

These bodies are temporary

Not enough, too many

That's how I'm feeling in my new "hi-I'm-a-mother-of-five" shoes.

How is it I can be calm and faithful when my baby isn't breathing and her heart isn't beating, but I just want to zone out when the daily chaos routine of life starts zapping my nerves?

Oh right, it all has to do with You, Lord.  I've got to lean on You for the small events too.

The biggest miracle to ever occur

Miracles.
Brain mass, surgery, healing.  (Merikalyn)
Three-chambered hearts becoming four. (Evangeline)
A heart that stopped beating beats again. (Molly Jo)
And God breathes life into us all.

And so often, we don't stop to consider that miracles are "nothing" to our Lord.  It doesn't require more of His energy. It's not out of the ordinary for Him.  He is ever capable. In fact, He is ever blessing our lives, and we hardly take notice.  His protection surrounding us, and we are usually unaware.

His love around us and within us, and we live like it isn't the biggest miracle to ever occur.

It begins like this:
    For God so loved the world......

He breathes life into my ministry

It's so easy to forget.
To get caught up in the here and now and tomorrows and yesterdays.
To focus on the to-do's and the not-quite-done's and the that-needs-to-be-redone's.
It's easy to see the coloring pages ripped from their books, shoes scattered, crumbs sprinkled, toys littering the floor. Easy to get side tracked by the chores and the lessons and the errands.

And then it seems like, when God whispers, it's an interruption.
I'm like a child, ever distracted by things that sparkle.
And all that sparkles is not gold, my dear self.

This- my home, my children, my husband- this is my ministry.  But sometimes I get so focused on my ministry that I lose focus of my God. I lose sight of all the God-moments and the God-gifts and the God-whisperings, and the God-leadings because I'm trying to do it all myself, forgetting that it is God who not only breathes life into my babies but breathes life into this ministry.  Into me.

Observe My Ways

God fills up this space

Rewind. Replay.
Her labor, birth, and events following reel through my mind.

Time dissolves. The world outside of this little room ceases to exist. Just five people- one of those a very tiny, struggling life- and God filling up this space.

A prayer I can't even speak. The Holy Spirit says it for me, and I believe. I know, and I see it as if it has already happened, accept it as truth.  I'm crying, but not tears of fear or sadness.  These are tears of joy, relief.

I am not alone. I do not have to rely on my own strength.
He stands with me. Arms that stretch out nail pieced hands wrap around me, and I feel safe. I know no fear. It doesn't even cross my path.

I witness love, abundant love, working seamlessly, fulfilling the promise He revealed in a dream to my husband.  I AM.

I AM here.
Cry out to Me, and I will answer.

And the heart beats.
And the baby breathes.
And the Hallelujah rings in my ears for God filled up this space.

Soak it in and Pour it out

Soak it in and pour it out.
Snuggle, cuddle, comfort. Whisper, sway, and sing.
This is one of the phases of the ministry of motherhood.

Dear self, don't let it fly by without truly tasting and enjoying.
Bow to take in the scent of your newborn baby, often.
Memorize her little fingers, count her little toes.
Often.
Pull her close.
Breathe her in.
Watch her sleep.
Thank the Lord,
Often.

For this is your ministry, mother.
To nurse, to hold, to comfort.
Each diaper change an act of love,
Like the washing of feet.
Never mind the sleepless nights,
The weariness that comes.
Relish each moment.
Use each to its fullest.

This phase is ever fleeting;
A new one will come.
Enjoy each step along the way.
And pray,
Often.

Do you know I love you?

This can be such a fragile point in marriage, which sounds strange to those who have never been here. Welcoming another child into our family is a joyous occasion, a blessed moment, but it also means I have yet another person requiring my attention, and this little person requires more than the rest.

It's so easy to get caught up in the babymoon, the trials and joys of motherhood, and forget that my husband may not be experiencing what I'm experiencing.  In fact, he may feel neglected as I coo over our newborn, snuggle and nurse her, wrap my schedule around her feedings, diaper changes, and naps.

Does he know I love him? Does he feel abandoned?  Does he feel shoved aside?
We expect our children to experience these emotions, but do we consider that our spouses may as well?

Time is precious, I see that clearer than ever now.  Have I made every word and action toward my husband count?  If he was to add them up, subtract them down, would they equal love?

I hesitate to ask. It's not just the pride-smacking that comes from the realization that I've fallen short.  No, it's more the thought of him hurting and needing, and me, his other half, being totally oblivious to it all. So I ask, "Do you feel loved?  I mean, do you really?"

And he says he does, and yes, he sometimes struggles, but he says he knows the truth, reminds himself of the truth, and doesn't allow himself to focus on the lies.

It sounds so tidy, like he's swept it into the dustpan and scraped it into the trash, but I'm not so sure it's that simple. And even if it is that simple, I don't even like the idea that the lies form because it means there have been times when he needed me to comfort and to snuggle him, to set aside whatever I was doing, to put him above those tasks and things and people and I didn't.

Life has been so hectic and nutty and wild for him lately. Late, late nights, never enough sleep, the stress of work, and he still manages to give us his love and attention.  I won't lie- it has felt sparse these last couple weeks, not his love, but his attention.  It has probably felt the same on his end.

And I'm at home figuring out what it is to be a mother of five now, and while it's going better than I expected, it's still busy, messy, and exhausting.  Don't let anyone tell you differently!

So I try to fill in the gaps with little momentos of love. A sweet text. A special surprise gift (coming soon to our mailbox!). An intentional snuggle.

I tidy the livingroom before he comes home. I fix my hair the way he likes it. I make the breakfast he desires.

I can't be sure he notices it all, but I do it all with love. When I teach our children, I think of him. When I cuddle our babies, my heart swells with love for him. When I clean our home, I thank God for him and the hard work he does day in, day out to provide what we have.

And, because I love him, I long for more time with him.  I long to love him more and better. Can he see this? Does he know it?

I have this habit of multitasking when I should just mono-task. Focus, look him in the eye. Hear what he's saying, really listen. Be present in the moment, even if it's just in the silence.

Lord, I desire to pour out my life as my husband's helpmeet.  Help me to be discerning, to know what to say and do and when, and when to say nothing at all. Thank you for this man whom you gave me to love; help me to love him more fully.  As Christ serves and loves me, help me to serve and love my husband.  Let me not waste a second of our time as husband and wife, but, instead, to use each moment to minister Your abundant love to my spouse. I praise You for transforming our marriage, and I thank You for the strength of our union. I want more of You, less of me in my marriage, Lord. I know that no one loves my husband more than You, and no one knows his heart and his needs more than You do, Father. Guide me in loving him. Let me not be selfish or self-serving in my actions towards him, but lead me to nurture, nourish, encourage, and support him. May I be a blessing to him, a crown upon his head.