Our "little" Family

Just in case you missed the adorable pictures I posted (which were snapped by my awesome friend Teri the day after Jubilee's birth), here's a peek- our first family-of-seven photo!

Hard to believe this was almost seven weeks ago! On one hand, it seems like it was only yesterday. On the other, it feels like she's been part of our family forever!

Face to Face

My eyes are closed as I listen to the music. My lips are still, but my heart sings full-force. The Presence in my bedroom is so strong, I literally reach out my hands expecting my fingers to meet with His skin. It's as if he's sitting on the bed across from me, my bible laid out between us.

Come thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace....

My lids flicker open, stunned to find there's no one there, at least- not a physical human body. Shut again, I see Him there legs crossed, watching me, smiling at me.  I can feel Him all around me.

I hold my hands high and sing,

Love came down and rescued me. Love came down and set me free. I am Yours. I am forever Yours.

I feel His hands in mine, and I grasp them tight. So tangible. So real. Faith in the Unseen, and the Unseen is in my bedroom, fingers intertwined with mine.

This is what He's been whispering to me for weeks now.  

    Remember that moment in your room? Your infant's heart and breath on pause? Remember how I was there, physically there? Remember your complete trust in Me at that very moment? Do you recall how I filled you up as your faith wrapped around me, unwavering?  I protected you. I answered you. I was there. I am always with you, but you are not always with Me.  I want you to always be with Me, daughter.  This is how it was meant to be. United.

And the cry of my heart, my deepest desire, has been to experience that moment over and over again just to feel His overwhelming peace and comfort.  I was made for Him. I was made for this. I was made to be in constant connection with Him, fully immersed in Him.

I never want to leave this place.

Exodus 33:11- The Lord spoke with Moses face to face, just as a man speaks with his friend.

Five weeks

My sweet Jubilee is *FIVE* weeks old.
Why does time fly so fast?
And how is it that I feel like she was born just yesterday
but, at the same time,
feel like she's been here forever?

I remember that moment, the moment she was placed against my skin.

Tiny and quiet.
Hardly a breath passing through those plump lips.
Everyone in the room willing her to breathe.

Breathe, baby, breathe!

She is my reminder that God answers prayers,
that He alone gives breath.
He gives life, He takes life.
And He's ultimately in control.

The biggest miracle to ever occur

Miracles.
Brain mass, surgery, healing.  (Merikalyn)
Three-chambered hearts becoming four. (Evangeline)
A heart that stopped beating beats again. (Molly Jo)
And God breathes life into us all.

And so often, we don't stop to consider that miracles are "nothing" to our Lord.  It doesn't require more of His energy. It's not out of the ordinary for Him.  He is ever capable. In fact, He is ever blessing our lives, and we hardly take notice.  His protection surrounding us, and we are usually unaware.

His love around us and within us, and we live like it isn't the biggest miracle to ever occur.

It begins like this:
    For God so loved the world......

God fills up this space

Rewind. Replay.
Her labor, birth, and events following reel through my mind.

Time dissolves. The world outside of this little room ceases to exist. Just five people- one of those a very tiny, struggling life- and God filling up this space.

A prayer I can't even speak. The Holy Spirit says it for me, and I believe. I know, and I see it as if it has already happened, accept it as truth.  I'm crying, but not tears of fear or sadness.  These are tears of joy, relief.

I am not alone. I do not have to rely on my own strength.
He stands with me. Arms that stretch out nail pieced hands wrap around me, and I feel safe. I know no fear. It doesn't even cross my path.

I witness love, abundant love, working seamlessly, fulfilling the promise He revealed in a dream to my husband.  I AM.

I AM here.
Cry out to Me, and I will answer.

And the heart beats.
And the baby breathes.
And the Hallelujah rings in my ears for God filled up this space.